The life Of Oni and Ben

[brattyyetbright]

Hi, my name is LaTasha. I am currently attending UAA. One course that I taken this semester wants us to explore the life of someone who is glbt. I choose to attempt to explore the life of Oni and Ben. This paper is for Gay and Lesbian Lifestlyes.  I think both Oni and Ben are very interesting individuals. If you have any knowledge on the two of them I would love your input. By this I mean; how each of them have "come out", Their childhood background, religion they were bought up in, how they found one another, what their life was like before they came out, how they keep thier relationship going, how they attempt to raise a child together, and so on. Each of these factors I believe contribute to who they are today. If any of you can help out in this process I would gladly appreciate any help I can get. After the paper is finished, I promised both Oni and Ben that I will post it on the forum for all to read. Again if you have any insight into the life of these two remarkable men please feel free to share.  Thank you and hope to read your comments soon. Tasha

[Rachael]

Where do I begin?  Well, I guess I could say what little I know about this enigma.  If I step out of place, then let me know.

All I know about Oni's childhood is that his birth father was a (whoops!  Can't say that on a Chrsitian forum!) who shot kittens.  I've met his now-dad and his mom, and they're both really nice.  In fact, I learned his real name from his mom.

I do know Oni was in a very close relationship with a woman named Jaime, and the two of them had a child together.  While Jaime was pregnant, Oni and Ben met for the first time in real life, although they had been chatting online previously.  Stuff happened, and either slightly before D'mitri's birth or after, he and Jaime broke up.  I guess his being gay had something to do with it, but there were other reasons involved...their visions of the future were not compatible.  And Oni had really come to care about Ben.

After a while, things got sort of...sticky involving child custody and everything, and unfortunately, Oni and Jaime are not the friends they used to be.

I have seen Oni with D'mitri, and he seems to take good care of him.  Although Oni loves his son more than anything, Ben does not seem to enjoy being around children.  I don't really consider them to be raising a child together; after all, I understand that D'mitri still sees his mother, and it seems that Ben would prefer to play computer games than watch D'mitri.  I often wonder how this will work into their relationship, as Oni clearly wants D'mitri in his life.  I seem to recall Oni telling Ben he wouldn't have to watch D'mitri too much, but he has anyway.  Or maybe I imagined that.  But it seems D'mitri is a big part of both their lives.

I'll be honest; sometimes Oni scares me.  Sometimes he tells me things I'd rather not know about his past, and leave just enough information out to make me worry for his soul.  However, I am happy to see him and Ben together.  I think Oni's happier with Ben than he's ever been with anyone--of course, I have only seen him with Ben so I don't know for sure.  Also, Ben seems to help Oni keep his "dark" side in check.  And as he mentioned earlier, Ben is not susceptible to Oni's little mind games that seem to work on almost everyone else.

I guess Oni's coming out caused a bit of a stir-up among those who knew him, but most had known prior--they just hadn't said anything.  The biggest problem was that he was in a relationship with a woman.

I know less about Ben's past.  I do know that his parents are very accepting, and don't seem to have pushed any religious beliefs on him.  They know he's gay, and apparently are no less close to him than before.

Oni's parents, although they may not be ecstatic that he's gay, have accepted Ben and seem to think of him as part of the family.  And our mutual friends don't seem to mind, either.

Oni and Ben's relationship has actually helped me become more open-minded.  I used to think premarital sex was a mortal sin, but now someone could tell me they're in a sexual relationship and I wouldn't bat an eyelash.  I'm also less freaked out by the idea of polyamory, although it's never something I would like to try.  Ben especially was a big help in this.  He made me realize it is possible to love more than one person, and has helped me accept the idea in other relationships.

The only thing that concerns me, really, is that I've come to realize that there are more gay people than I thought, and that they don't always know it.  Because of that, I've come to worry that maybe I'll fall in love with someone who one day realizes he's gay, and leaves me.  Also, after I realized I was somewhat attracted to Ben and Oni, it seems that I have only been attracted to gay men recently.  This worries me.

It has also occurred to me that maybe some people do change their sexual orientation--not on purpose, of course, but it just...happens.  I don't think it's very common, but I do think it's possible that some men start out straight and then "become" gay, and vice versa.  I used to think that's what happened to Oni.  Although I no longer really believe it, I am now open to the possibility.  I have come to discover that sexuality is more flexible than I once thought, and that to understand it completely would take several lifetimes.

I hope my input has helped.