Parenting Tips

[Rosa D.]

Hey there everyone. I saw that some of the members on this forum have children. I would like a little bit of advice, tips and just some ideas and opinions from the other parents on this forum. I am a first time mother. I have a nine-month-old son, his name is Landon and he's such a little explorer. I'm really glad that he is so interested in the things around him, but one problem that I have is that when I play with him he always wants to do his own thing, and his own thing is usually either pulling on electrical cords or knocking over the trash. I try to distract him from doing these things, but it seems like the only thing I can do is keep him in his play pen. It's kind of hard for him to learn and explore when he's in it. He's also very clingy. How did you other parents out there deal with the clingy stage? I guess it's kind of hard for Landon to let me go because I'm with him all day every day since he was born. Any other tips and opinions will be appreciated as well!

[Oni]

Meow,
Well I am a first time Father, of a wonderful son of 2 years old. D’mitri was born March 3rd 2005. I am not quite sure what advise you are looking for, allow me to yammer on for a bit, and we shall see if it helps. Also keep in mind that yesh I am a gay parent, but I don’t think that, that should have any effect on what I have to say.
Well when D’ would reach for something he was not suppose to I would say NO! with a  sturn voice, and if that did not work I would tell him to lay down (and he would) and if that didn’t work then I would give him a swat on the bum. The clingy thing, well parents just need to learn to let go. It’s ok to set your child down, and let them scream a bit. I had to do it with D’ for a while. Teach him that he can’t always be clingy. But there are times when it is ok. He has become a very independent child. He likes going for walks, and doing stuff, and when he wants to show me something he drags me to what he is doing, or play with him and such. But he has also learned that there are times Daddy has to do his work, and that he can still play by me while I do my work.
D’ is a very smart child, over time he has learned what he can and can not play with, though some times he still trys to play with what he knows he can’t and gets in trouble for it. I don’t often swat his bum anymore, Laying down seems to work just fine.
I never liked the idea of a play pen, never put D’ in one. As an infant he had one, but only used it while he was napping. I don’t even like the idea’s of gates. D’ knows he can’t go into the kitchen, and stays out of it, unless he is told he can go in it, for example to put something in the sink.
Just be loving, nuturing, and stern when you have to be. That’s my experience anyway. But I also have a lot of help raising my son. From my parents, from Kritter, and from Fox. Everybody leans a hand. They say it takes a village to raise a child, well I got a small community doing it. And I am thankful for all the help I get.
Does that help any?

[Rosa D.]

I already knew about D', Rachael told me. Anyways, I know that you are gay and no, that does not affect what I wanted to know or what you wrote. The main problem with your advice, I mean it's a got point to it, is that you are talking about dealing with your son at his age NOW. Landon is not even a year yet. Can you tell you me what you remember when D' was little? Landon is actually starting to learn the word "no." He also gets swatted on the hand when he plays with the lamps. Well, you see, we NEED to have a baby gate, because we live in a house that has two stories and he's still learning the ropes. Other than the stairs we really don't have a gate anywhere else. I'm also wondering if he's still too little to just let him sit there and cry. I can tell him that I will be right back, but I don't think that he understands that yet. I don't mind when Landon follows me, he's pretty much allowed to go everywhere but the bathroom right now. I don't really have much help, every once in a while Rachael and her mom will help out. Luke's mom also takes him for a couple hours. Luke is pretty good help most of the time, but he's at work most of the day, so it's pretty much just Landon and I most of the time. It does kinda help, I guess maybe it's just hard because of the age difference between our kids.

[Oni]

Meow,
Glad to hear that you have already heard of D'. Each child is different, but they all know more than they appear to know. For example the word No. I am sure Landon knew of it before you realized it. I can understand a baby gate when there are stairs, or places of danger. I treated D the same when he was that age as I do now. And that similar treatment will most likely continue for a while and be modified as he gets older.
I left D' to sit and cry before, and he will stop, and get over it. If they cry though and you come back to them, they will learn that if they cry you will come back, and they can keep doing that. Start off with something easy, like setting him in the living room, and go into say the kitchen were he can't see you, but you know you are close. I am not saying leave him in the house alone lol, don’t think you would do that anyway. I don't know that the age difference between our kids is really that drastic. It wasn't long ago for me that I was dealing with a 9month year old. It may take a bit of time and repetition, but I am sure the way you teach him he will learn that he can not touch things he is not suppose to.
I am sure you are doing fine. You sound like you have a lot of help down there, and that is pretty cool. Raising a family is always easer with a Family to help you so that you can raise eachother.

[Kritter]

I figure to voice my opinion on this parenting help. Course I am NOT a mother and not planning to have one anytime soon or none at all. However, I have helped raised D for 16 months of his life (1yr & 4months) approximately. My ways is different to Oni’s. So I hope this helps you with some unsolved answers.

When it comes to exploring around the house, I generally allow D to wonder anywhere he wants- with the exception of the kitchen, bathroom and bedrooms. D is a toddler and he wants to explore and expand his curiosity. When he comes/do something he’s not suppose to do/touch. I generally give him warning or two. After that, I would either 1.) spank his bum or slap his hand or 2.) let him learn for himself. Now what I mean for that is. Let’s say (now this is me making up a story) D is wondering around and stumbles into a thing that could potentially hurt him, but not seriously harm him in any way. He starts to play with it; I would give him up to two warnings (sometimes 3) telling him that it’s bad. If by then he’s still playing with the thing I would let him play with it till he gets hurt by it. Then I would go to him and explain why it was bad for him and hopefully he would learn not to play with it again. Now let’s say there was a hot curling iron, course I will NOT let D learn the hard way. Reason for why I do this is because I believe children can’t fully learn about things till he/she learns from it on their own experience. Parents tell their children not to do this or that and what do the kids do, the thing the parents warned them. After experiencing it, the kids will then fully learn why it was wrong/not right to do. That’s how I see things and it’s never too early to input it to a child. Guess you can call it ‘tough love’.

As for the child being ‘clingy’. Now I have a god-daughter that is WAY TOO clingy and have to be held basically 24/7- no thanks to her mother. Now if I had my home to myself when taking care of her, I will not pick her up and I will allow her to cry till she stops no matter how long it last. Sadly, I haven’t done it that so far because the times I have taken care of her, Oni and Foxie are home and if she cries, they complain (especially Oni). Now when it comes to D. There are times he does ask me to pick him up and, honestly, most of the time I tell him ‘NO’. I pick him up when he doesn’t ask for it.

I know my ways of rising a child is somewhat hard, but don’t get me wrong. I also fully know I can’t give him the same love and affection that a parent can give to their own child, but I do give him my love and care. There are times, when D wins my heart and he gets whatever he wants no question ask. I do play with him and I let him play till he drops dead. I try to give D love and discipline equally. Some days one is stronger than the other and vise versa. But when I feel I am getting too hard or angry at him, I would give him to his father and let the dad deal with it.

[Oni]

Nicly worded.

[Rosa D.]

I actually don't have as much help as it looks like. I mean I do have help, but only once every other week or so. Other than that I have Landon all the time. When he does go with someone else it's usually only for a couple of hours. I mean, I don't mind being with him all the time, but I think that I need a few more breaks from having to take care of him all the time. I was told that at this point when Landon can't see me as far as he knows I'm not even there. I can imagine how scared and upset he is when I step into another room without doing something to let him know that I am still there. I find that when I talk to him he get's less upset when I leave the room. I used to take off my sweater and leave it with him, but that doesn't fool him anymore. He'll actually do the same thing, I leave him for a little and he'll cry and get over it, especially if I do something to let him know that I'm not leaving him. I also have to put up with him at night. He wakes up a whole lot. I think it might be night terrors. What do you do about those? I don't think that Landon knew the word "no" before, I never really had to tell him "no." He was easily entertained before, now he's wanting to get into things as much as his 2-year-old cousin Tayler. Landon is also really good about routine, which makes me happy. Landon does understand a lot, and we can tell too. He hates being told "no." He also to test us already. He's a great little guy.

[Oni]

Night Terrors...well never heard of them called that before but that works
...

Well D's bed is right beside mine, so he normaly just crawls out of his and comes to mine, and snuggles up to me when he gets a nightmare <- Yesh the Horse)

Or some times he just cries for a moment and then roles over adn goes back to bed. It all depeneds. But D' knows that Daddy comes and goes. BUt he also grew use to that because me and his mother have joint custody. Meaning we both get him equally. So he is over at one place or the others. And my Parents take him on some nights From time to time.

ummm I dont know if I would be the best for adice because between Myself, Fox, Beaner, My Parents, and yesh even his Mother. D'mitri is raised by a very large family that all play there roles in his life.