*sigh* Men...

[Kritter]

THE WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I have been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me, it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the Wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my Life to her sister. Well, I was in tot al shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front Door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my Entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.




WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED  

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.  No wonder men are happier.

[Oni]

Wow and I keep mine in my bedroom...looks like I would have to go for a long drive.

[aksnowgirl98]

geezz. i  completely fail manhood by that  test.

 

[Rachael]

Oh, this should be fun.  I don't think Esther wrote this particular piece, so I don't think anyone should get offended...

Men Are Just Happier People--Can you back that up with a scientific study?
Your last name stays put.  Actually, these days you can *gasp* opt to keep your last name after marrying.
The garage is all yours.  And the kitchen is all yours. Seriously, though, there's no law that states that.  I think in most households, any woman who wants to use the garage can have it.
You can be President.  Actually, so can women.  Obviously they have a lot more trouble, but that wasn't the complaint here.
You can never be pregnant.  True, but that can be seen as a blessing or a curse.  Some women enjoy being pregnant, and believe it or not, some men wish they could become pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.  So can women.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.  Actually, this pisses me off too, not because I want to go topless, but because we're not given that freedom.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.  That's a mindset, something that's not exclusive to either sex.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.  You know, if it bothers you that much, nothing's stopping you from learning..

[Kritter]

Hehehe, I like those two points. It shows what men are... ALIENS!!!!!!

Well, guess it implies to straight men, but I am sure gay men are the same way too. 

[Goman Fox]

You can never be pregnant.  True, but that can be seen as a blessing or a curse.  Some women enjoy being pregnant, and believe it or not, some men wish they could become pregnant.

In the Sims 2, if a male sim is abducted by aliens, there's a chance he'll return pregnant with an alien baby.

...Obviously not reality there, but I figured it was appropriate to mention.

[Oni]

Wow...Guess those really arn't Anal Propes they are using.

[Kritter]

Men, aliens, and mutated babies... OH MY!!!!

[Rachael]

Here are some more.

Same work, more pay.  Actually, this is one of the few good points made in this article.  In the workforce, men generally make more than women.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.  You know, men never stare at my chest when I talk to them.  You know why?

[Oni]

Because the beauty of your face is so over powering that the desire to look elseware disapears when they look into your eyes, and see the glory of heaven that is buried inside each one. Then they know they have been in the presence of an angel, and all they have left is the overwelming erdge to look deeper into them, till they are lost forever in your gaze.

[Kritter]

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.  You know, men never stare at my chest when I talk to them.  You know why?

You know something, I'm noticing that I'm starting to have that trouble now. Depending on the shirt I wear, men would talk then take glance to my boobs!!!!! Even at work.     

[Rachael]

Because the beauty of your face is so over powering that the desire to look elseware disapears when they look into your eyes, and see the glory of heaven that is buried inside each one. Then they know they have been in the presence of an angel, and all they have left is the overwelming erdge to look deeper into them, till they are lost forever in your gaze.

Actually, I was going to say because I don't dress like a hooker. :p But that works too.

[Oni]

So you are saying that Kritter dresses like a Hooker...how very interesting.

[aksnowgirl98]

Kritter my dear.... that is because your girls are big and high up. When boobs don't sag they are sometimes allways with in perferhal vision when looking at someones face, and therefore some people are having a hard time not glancing down at them.  They are very nice after all, as is the rest of you.

[ViewSonic]

Intreging perspective. But a person raised with a good sense of how to treat a women will know a time and place for actions such as that. Women may be blessed with wonderious body curves, but man should know when and were he can look. It is a great sign of disrespect to not look some one in the eye while talking to them. And for women more so, because they are a gift to man from God, and as such should be treated in very high regard.

Common curtisy states that one should always look a person in the eye when talking to them...and besides stearing and glancing away is rude and uncooth.