Coming Out - Kritter

[Kritter]

My coming out story is somewhat long so I think I will do it into 2 parts. The first part will be about how I came out to my parents over by cell phone because I live at Alaska while my parents are living at Indiana. The 2nd part of the story will be when I visited my family for the 1st time after I came out. Hope some how this story would help and/or encourage someone in a way.


PART I:

Around early October of 05’ (I was 20 years old) was when I finally accepted the fact I was not straight. I only say “accepted” because when I was 15-16 years old I came to learn that I had a fascination towards women more so than men, but I denied those feelings because at that time of my life, I viewed the homosexual life style as a sin. I came to accept my true self after meeting two special gay friends of mine at the start of the fall semester at University of Alaska Anchorage (aka UAA). Through them, I was able to see that homosexuality is not a sin and I become to understand my own self.

Then on mid to late October of 05’ I accidentally came out to my mom. I didn’t want to tell my family so soon, but it was a slip of the tongue on my part. I don’t remember what I was doing prior to telling my family all I can remember is what happened when I told them. I was having supper with friends at the university common area, (aka The Commons) when during my supper I got a call from my mother. I answered the cell and walked out side. I don’t remember how or what caused our conversation to become this, “So have you found a boyfriend yet?” 
My automatic reply was, “What if I had a girlfriend instead?”
There was a moment of pause, I knew she heard what I said.
“W-W-What did you say?” my mother stuttered.
“What if I had a girlfriend instead?”
She then began to weep. I tried to comfort her, but no avail. She began to speak in Spanish, her native tongue, so fast that I could not understand her. Her voice was beginning to pitch louder and louder so then I blurted out, “Mom I’m Bisexual.” (I was not 100% sure at the time that I was a lesbian).
In no moment hesitation, my mother said to in a cold tone, “You are my daughter and I love you. But when you die, you will see me in heaven and you will go hell.”
I was stunned and shocked when she told me this. She began to weep then wanted to call me later so she can tell my dad about the news.
I wiped off my tears and tried to at cool when I walked back to my friends at the Commons. When I sat down, I told them that I came out. I wasn’t there for very long because my mother called soon after. I walked outside again and answered the cell. My mom began to scream and cry saying what she has done to make me believe I was Bi. I once again tried to comfort her. Then suddenly, I heard my younger brother of 18 years old on the phone. In an angry tone he said, “How dare you treat mom like this. You are a disgrace to the family. We all hate you. I hope you die!”
At that point I lost it and began to cry. One of my friends actually followed me outside when walked outside for the 2nd time and when my friend saw me cry, he embraced me and told be comforting remarks. I thought I hanged up the phone when my friend was comforting me, but I was wrong. My brother was actually listening to the whole thing and then hanged up the phone and called back. Once I answered it, my brother began to insult my friend how comforted me. That was when I began to yell back at him. During that time, I heard my mother on the back ground wanting to talk to me. I demanded to talk to my mother and no one else. My mother got on the phone quick and she just wanted to say good night. I said good night to her also and our conversation ended.

After that event, the benefits I had from my family been taken away. I was use to having anything and everything I want and everything being paid for to having a crash course of becoming an independent young woman.

[Kritter]

PART II:

The relationship between my parents and me began a very slow new beginning. The conversations were not as long and enjoyable as it was before I came out to them. I had to be careful not to offend my mother or make any suggestions about homosexuality. Things were like this till I came to visit my family for the holidays. I must admit though, I was eager to see all of my family members. When I arrived, all of my mother’s siblings drove to Indianapolis, Indiana, for Christmas. Some stayed at my parent’s house while the rest stayed at my grandmother’s house. Things were OK. You see, all of my direct family member are devoted Christians with the exception of my Dad. I even have a Pastor for an Uncle. So I was worried about that whole Bible thumping. Sadly, my fears were correct. I was Bible thumped repetitively. About how God hate gays, gays going to hell, gays are sinful, etc. My parents even had my pastor uncle giving me “counseling”. He tried to convince me that I was “confused on what love is” and that I was mentally “sick”. My parents then decided to take me to a psychologist and see if the psychologist can “cure me”. It was a waste of my parents’ money for taking me to see a shrink because the only thing he suggested was to buy books.
I kept on telling my parents that I was NOT “sick” nor “confuse”. Sadly this went on for most of the two weeks I visited them. Majority of the nights was spent on my parents arguing at me saying that I was “betraying the family” and that “I will be having a terrible and sinful life.” I dreaded being there and counted the days till I get to fly back to Alaska. During my last night with my family they did their final attempt to change me. My uncle oiled my forehead in the cross symbol and prayed for God to touch my heart. He then had the nerve to tell me not to tell anyone else in my family that I am gay and that if I do, I will ruin the family’s peace and happiness. When it finally came the day for me to leave, I was very eager to get to the airport, go through security, and just leave. Only my parents came with me. We didn’t speak at all till it came to the point when I needed to go through security. We just hugged and had a little talk. My mother began to cry and my dad said, “When you land at Anchorage, give us a call.”
I said, “Ok pappi. I love you all very much.” And that was it.


Since the start of this ordeal, I became enraged/bitter towards the Christian religion and viewed Christians as hypocrites. All my life I was raised one way and once I came out, they treated me the total opposite from what they preached. I didn’t want to know anything about the Christian religion, but now it’s different. I occasionally go to MCC and feel OK about it. I sometime struggle when it comes to the Bible and homosexuality issue. But I try to look at things optimistically. I can happily say that I forgave my family on how they treated me and the relationship between my parents and I are growing better each day. The only downfall is the fact that, the whole “Bi” issue is never discussed. One day I know I have to tell my parents that I am not Bi, but lesbian. However, I think that one will have to wait for a long while.

[Oni]

Come on guys lets keep this going. This is a good thread that I am sure could serve as both help and inspiration to people. You don't have to post detials or very personal things, if you feel uncomfortable posting you dont have to iether. I just like this board because it showes new and old GLBT and even curious people different experiance that others have gone through.

[Oni]

My dear you have a very long story. A very thoughtfilled story.
Some qustions though.
What made you realize you were a Lesbian? Back when I first meet you I remember you liking men in uniforms, all though you had a thing for gay sex...and you still do *locks the door to Fox and I's room*, what caused the change?

I always figured that since you starting livng with two gay guys there "liking guys" would were off on you and you would like guys....but nooo... had the opsite effect....odd... lol.

[Kritter]

Well, my earliest memory when it comes to women attraction was in high school. I can’t pin point when exactly it started; however, I started to fantasize about the women body (not in a sexual way at first) at the girl’s locker room.   Sometime in my sophomore year was when the whole women sexual dream came. Course I freaked out and prayed for it to go away. I tried each day not to think of women and their bodies till the point I made myself to stop. You can say I buried it for the remaining of my high school and first two years of college. Until the day I met you (Oni) and Foxie. I never had gay friends before in my life. I have met gay folks (never lesbians) and one of my favorite family relatives was gay (he’s dead now). Other than my dead relative, I never gotten close to any one who was gay and my dead relative didn’t act gay nor do gay things in front of me and my brother (well, no gay behaviors that I can recall).

I remember you liking men in uniforms

As for that, I still like folks wearing uniforms- male or female. When it comes to a military uniform, I don’t care who wears it, it’s just sexy to me.

I always figured that since you starting livng with two gay guys there "liking guys" would were off on you and you would like guys....but nooo... had the opsite effect....odd... lol.

Guess that would be the most logical reasoning, but as you can see, that is not the case with me.   I do enjoy and feel more at whole with other women. I know I shouldn’t judge my whole experience with one man and then to automatically think every dude is like that, but during taht time, I felt something was not right and didn’t felt completely satisfied. Hope that make sense.

[hengeraven]

i hope things with your family are in better prospects for resolution. it's difficult to deal with, i imagine. people are dead set on what they believe and are loath to adopt a broader perspective as it challenges their finite perspective on life. which inevitably shakes the foundations of the world, and, god forbid, proves certain prejudices and stereotypes incorrect.

be stoic. and proud.